| | This morning I went to Al Anon with my sponsor. It was good. They were talking about the 12 Promises of AA. Here they are...
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
(1) We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
(2) We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
(3) We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
(4) No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
(5) That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
(6) We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
(7) Self-seeking will slip away.
(8) Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
(9) Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
(10) We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
(11) We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
(12) Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I was glad it didn't get around to me. My sponsor and I went out to breakfast after that. She asked me what I was going to say if it got around to me. I said, I just thought that I was going to say that I was new to recovery, and that I didn't know if I really believed that this was going to work, and that these things were really going to happen.
I'm still not sure if they will. My sponsor did encourage me though, because of a few things I did last night, and being able to identify a few things I do as far as my codependency goes. She said all other addictions stem from codependency. Anyway. So I realized things I do like last night, asking Justin (because tomorrow is our off day) if he was happy to have a break from me that day. She asked me well, why did I ask him that. And I said I didn't really know. She kinda gave me the answer on this one, well, because I was already feeling insecure, and bad about me, and that I wanted his approval to make me feel better, instead of getting it from God, and being a child of God. I realized when I did that, that that wasn't ok, and that was my codependency. I just need to learn how to accept myself as ok, as a child of God.
Anyway, the thing she was really encouraging to me about was when I shared with Justin and was vulnerable with him. Anyway, so we went to see Get Smart last night, and I was having a hard time with it because in the movie agent 99 (Anne Hathaway) is like half naked lots in the movie. And I know Justin thinks she's attractive, and so I was feeling insecure and sad a little. Now normally, I would have pulled away, and with held physical affection and been all upset and stuff, but I didn't do that during the movie. And I enjoyed my movie. And it was good. And I was glad I didn't to that this time. And at the end, I just decided I would share that with him, not expecting anything back from him in return. So I just said, "I'm feeling sad and insecure because of her being so naked in the movie, and I know you think she is attractive." And he kind of just answered and said ok, I kind of wondered if you were, acknowledged me, and then we went on. It felt good to just let him in and let him know, and then to move on. Not to ask, oh did you think she was, oh, were you looking, etc. Anyway, my sponsor said she was proud of me for being vulnerable, and sharing with him.
I didn't mention the other stuff I shared earlier in the day.
Anyway, I'm trying. I'm learning. I'm trying to trust the process. I'm trying to trust that God can help me recover. I think he can. I hope he can. I'm learning. And at the same time, I love Him. One day at a time.
That is all.
Amy
|
| | Posted 10/4/2008 12:37 PM - 20 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
